Sex has been around forever, but there still seems to be a never-ending curiosity gap about it. Because it is human nature, it’s also only logical that we humans would be constantly thinking and wondering about it. Are we all doing it? If so, how often? Are we doing it correctly? What else is there to try? Is everyone having one kind of sex that I’m not? The good news is, as long as it’s consensual, safe, and healthy, you’re good.
Part of the beauty of sex is that it’s so subjective. Just because one person loves BDSM-style sex, doesn’t mean other people can’t enjoy vanilla sex. You can always evolve your sexual tastes and proclivities, and that’s kinda what makes it great. Experimentation is part of being a sexual being. To help you make sure your bedroom action is as pleasurable as possible, here are 85 of the best sex tips to ever come out of Cosmo.
1. Masturbate every morning.
What better way to get in touch with what turns you on than by making an orgasm part of your daily self-care routine? Try masturbating every morning for a month and see what it does for your sex life. Our bet? Good things.
2. Dry hump more.
Dry humping might be thought of as an awkward teen activity from ye olde high school days, but as one writer found, dry humping as an adult actually slaps (or rather, grinds?). The stimulation is on point, it’s not too direct in case you have an overly sensitive clitoris, and the hotness of keeping your clothes on and still pawing at each other is a mental turn-on too.
3. Try a cock ring.
If your partner has a penis, a penis or cock ring can really rev up something that’s already good. By restricting blood flow to the penis, the ring makes their erection harder and stronger (also helpful if they have issues finishing too early or staying hard). And of course, there are tons of vibrating cock rings out there that may make orgasming for you way easier too. It’s a win-win.
4. Pay more attention to your aftercare routine
“Aftercare” is a common BDSM thing, where each partner takes time to check in with each other and care for one another after sex. It’s especially important in BDSM where intense scenes might have each person experimenting with different dynamics that don’t reflect how each person actually thinks of their partner. But that doesn’t mean you can’t also have aftercare worked into vanilla sex. Take time to check in with your partner afterwards and cuddle, give, or get a glass of water, and re-affirm your care for one another.
5. Watch a sexy show together.
Turn on Witcher or Outlander and let the steamy scenes influence how you spend your night.
6. Try a sex game.
You don’t necessarily need to buy one either. There are plenty of sex games you can play with a partner that’ll turn you both on that don’t require a board or separate card deck. Just two willing participants down to have a very good time.
7. Try a nipple clamp.
They’re cheap, don’t take up a lot of space, and nipple clamps can be just as pleasurable with or without a partner.
8. Invest in some secret BDSM jewelry
There’s luxury and then there’s luxury. If you’re just bored of spending money on the usual, ball out and get some bougie bondage jewelry, like this fahhhncy Kiki de Montparnasse handcuff set that looks, to the average person, like a very chic bracelet. It’ll be your little secret.
9. Try a remote control vibrator
Whether you’re handing the reins to your partner to drive or just over fiddling with the buttons on your vibrator right as you’re about to reach peak, remote controlled vibes are everywhere nowadays and make masturbation way easier. You’ll wonder how you ever lived without one once you try it out.
10. Try kneeling beside your partner during oral, instead of in front of them.
If you typically kneel in front of your partner during a blow job, try kneeling beside them. Not only will you give them a great view of your ass, you also might find it more comfortable and easier for you (or them) to stimulate your clit while you’re giving it your all.
11. Try sacral massage
If you’re going to experiment with anal, anal foreplay is a must. Try giving or receiving a sacral massage, aka massaging the area just above the butt crack for 15-20 minutes. It’ll help release tension and loosen the whole area up.
12. Don’t be afraid to initiate!
If your partner is usually the one who intiates sex, switch things up by showing them just how much they turn you on and flip the switch so you start things off first. Everyone loves feeling like their partner just can’t resist them.
13. Lean into your sexual tension.
Just because you’ve been with your partner forever doesn’t mean you still can’t get butterflies for them. Refrain from jumping their bones at first sight like you normally do, and let the sexual tension build up so you can have an even more cathartic orgasm.
14. Add CBD into the mix.
There are plenty of CBD products out there for everything, and sex is no exception. Pick your poison of whatever CBD lube or arousal gel of your choice and get to town feeling all loosey-goosey (minus the paranoia that comes with THC).
15. Make hand jobs the main event.
Sex is so much more than just penetrative sex, and backing away and focusing on foreplay with the same intensity as you do PIV sex can zuzh some hotness into your routine.
16. Do your errands normally, only with Ben Wa balls inside you.
Ben Wa balls, or kegel balls, are little weighted balls that you can insert into your vagina for added sensation. Pop a pair in, and go about your normal routine. The extra attention you’ll be paying to each roll and wiggle of your hips will turn you on all day.
17. Forgive and forget with some super-sultry makeup sex.
All couples fight (it’s a part of a healthy relationship to have disagreements) but what better way to get into each other’s good graces again than with some vulnerable, tender makeup sex? If that’s not your vibe, there’s also must-have-you-now standing sex against a wall for an added layer of urgency. Either way, there’s a sexy way to move on after a fight.
18. Get some cheap accessories to make shower sex all the better.
Shower sex might be steamy and sexy in the movies, but IRL, it’s often not. If your mind is worrying about whether or not you’re going to slip or you’re starting to feel cold because the water ain’t on you at that moment, you can’t really enjoy yourself to maximum capacity! Thankfully, there are easy (and mostly cheap!) solutions that can make shower sex way more enjoyable.
19. Heat things up with some at-home gym equipment.
Don’t worry, you don’t need your actual gym’s super-expensive rowing machine to make any of these work. Try hanging from a pull-up bar while your partner lifts you up onto their hips for a sex position that’ll give missionary a break from the ol’ rotation.
20. Use a Tenga Egg for a quick, modified blow job sleeve.
The eggs are hella cute (literally they just look like little Easter eggs) and compact so you can bring one to your boo’s house without worrying that 65% of your overnight bag is just one toy. Snip the top so that there’s openings at both the bottom (it comes with one there) and top, and use that with a squidge of lube for a truly out-of-this-world blowjob experience that also takes a lot of the effort out of it for you.
21. Have your partner try the Kivin method.
This oral sex technique for those pleasuring a woman has the giver approach you from the side, rather than face-on. Annabelle Knight, sex expert at Lovehoney, explains that instead of licking up and down your vulva, your partner should lick side to side and straight across the clitoral hood for an orgasmic feeling.
22. Get on top.
Woman on top provides easier access to your vulva and clitoris than in other positions. Add a vibrator into the mix for even more pleasure.
23. Make a masturbation playlist.
Taking time to focus on your own pleasure and indulging in your ~me time~ is not only fun, it can make sex with a partner better too because you’re learning more about your own body. There’s really no easier way to figure out what you like in bed than by trying it yourself.
24. Use lube.
Seriously, enough with the stigma that lube is for dried-up older women. You’re not winning extra points by not using it and having sex that could be so much more glidey and enjoyable for both partners. Start with a dime-sized amount, put it on you and your partner’s genitals, and reapply as needed.
25. Ramp up your desire all day by engaging in some light sexting at work.
Foreplay doesn’t just have to be in person. If you’ve got a date later that night, try sending a few flirty or suggestive texts your partner’s way to ensure they’re thinking about you all day.
Or any wild sex position. Sex is just as mental as it is physical, and trying out adventurous and empowering novelty positions can do way more for you than you’d think.
27. Don’t be afraid to spread your labia.
Ensure that your partner has easy access to your clitoris by really getting in there and setting up the scene for them. Sure, light vulva licking is great, but why waste time and risk your partner getting lost down there?
28. Try a vibrator with sonic waves.
Your clitoris is like an iceberg. The part that you can see is only a small portion of it. There are nerve endings underneath the visible part that you can’t see or touch. Using a vibrator with sonic pulses (like a loud, booming speaker that shakes your whole body at a club) can help target these nerves and put you in ~touch~ with the otherwise unexplored parts of your clit.
29. Ditch the eye contact in reverse cowgirl.
While sex face-to-face certainly has its moments, change it up by getting on top and facing away from your partner. From here, you have total freedom to make whatever O-face you want, and you can put on a show for them at the same time with your bouncing butt. You contain multitudes.
30. Work on your non-sexual touch.
While this tip is more about putting in work while you’re not having sex, it can totally lead to an overall better sex life. Don’t reserve touching for only when you’re naked. Find a way to work in hair stroking, back rubs, hand holding, anything PG that encourages you and your partner to show physical affection for one another. You’ll learn about each others’ bodies in a way that’s so much deeper than just sex.
31. Zone in on the upper left-hand quadrant of your clitoris.
Megan Andelloux, executive director at the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health, says many women find this is the most receptive part of their clit.
32. Try a sex game where you trade off.
Rachel Wright, a licensed psychotherapist, sex therapist, and sex educator, suggests “stop and start.” You set a timer on your phone for four minutes, where you have that amount of time to do anything to your partner (ranging from kissing to intercourse). Once the time’s up, you switch places and the giver becomes the receiver, and vice versa. This is great for putting an emphasis on foreplay.
33. Do it in front of a mirror.
Doggie style intercourse in front of a full-length mirror allows you one of the best seats in the house. You can lock eyes tenderly in the mirror or go at it with carnal thrusting, all while checking each other out at the same time. Nice.
34. Get a pair of nipple clamps.
Nipple clamps are great because they can provide hands-free stimulation during sex. Slap a pair on and your hands are free to still touch yourself during foreplay or sex. You can adjust the intensity throughout too, getting tighter or looser as you approach climax.
35. Prioritize oral sex.
Have a few nights where the main focus isn’t penetrative sex, but just you receiving oral sex. Communicate with your partner so you can both discover what works best for you in terms of giving and receiving. And when we say a few nights, we mean a few nights. Expecting to cram life-changing oral into your lives via one night puts way too much pressure on both of you.
36. Real talk: Roughly 70 percent of women need more clitoral stimulation to O during sex — so reach down and touch yourself during the deed!
You feel in control of your O, and he’s super turned on. Win-win.
37. For a twist on missionary, lie on your back, and lift your legs up and over to one side as he enters you.
Raising your legs makes you supertight, and the angle of your hips means he’ll hit spots that rarely get TLC.
38. Get him to skip the in-and-out thrusts and, uh, stir with his penis instead.
He’ll stimulate every inch of you (motion of the ocean and all that…).
39. Sit on the edge of the washing machine, and wrap your legs around his waist as he enters you.
Helpful hint: The cotton cycle provides the strongest vibrations.
40. In reverse-cowgirl, lean back (instead of forward toward his feet).
It’s a primo G-spot angle for you and the illusion of a Kardashi-ass for him.
41. The no. 1 rule for a great blow job: Use your mouth (obvs!) and your hands.
Take the head in your mouth, and lick and swirl like you would a soft-serve cone. Mean while, use your hands to grip, squeeze, and stroke the length of his penis. Don’t keep up the same motion — variety of sensation is key!
42. Instead of pleasing each other simultaneously during 69 (so hard to focus!), take turns.
One person goes to town, while the other groans and moans about how good it feels.
43. While he’s giving you oral, have him insert a finger or two and stroke your G-spot with a come-hither motion.
Internal and external stimulation boosts your orgasm chances.
44. Lube up!
Both you and your partner, before and/or during The Naughty. Almost 50 percent of women say lube makes it easier to orgasm. And forget the myth that it’s only for older women — all the cool kids are doing it!
45. If you have no clue whether your partner’s dirty-talk meter is set to “a little naughty” or “downright filthy,” do a sneaky little test.
Ask, “What would you like me to do to you? Details, please.” And see what words he uses and how risqué he’s willing to get. Then follow his lead.
46. Usually get oral with your legs spread?
Intensify your O by stretching your legs straight out, stimulating the pelvic muscles you use to climax. It’s a crazy-good new sensation.
47. Gently hold his face still, tell him to stop moving, and let him simply receive your kisses for a minute.
That way, whether you like it slow or hot and heavy, he’ll know how to kiss you back.
48. Vintage Cosmo Tip, June 1972:
“All women should try for a little more variety … a little more shock value. put on a wig. or greet your man at the door with a martini in your hand and nothing on but high heels.”
Our 2015 road test: Naked except for black Manolos and a long blonde wig very unlike my curly brown hair, I was already three “test” martinis deep when I wobbled to the door and greeted R.M.P. (Reluctant Male Participant, aka my boyfriend of almost two years). First, he seemed surprised, then slightly scared. But with some R-rated coaxing, I could tell he was getting into it. After we had sex, he gave me puppy-dog eyes. “Can you take that wig off now?” “Nooo, this girl is fun, I like this girl!” I replied. Did I mention I’d had three martinis? “Wasn’t it hot cheating on your girlfriend with a blonde?” I asked. He shrugged and shook his head: “I missed my girlfriend.” Then we ordered burgers, and I kept my wig on while I ate mine.
49. Just started dating? Set the precedent and make sure you come first.
Women often focus on their guy’s orgasm and treat themselves as an afterthought. Since we’re all creatures of habit, doing the reverse pays off in the long run.
50. Ask him to trace his tongue over your thin-skinned spots: wrists, inner knees, behind your ears.
It’ll make you shiver.
51. While standing with your back against his chest, have him reach around and touch you so all you can see are his hands all over you.
52. Wrap your fingers in an “O” shape around the base of his shaft, and move them in tandem with your mouth.
Use lots of saliva to ease the movement, and he won’t be able to tell where your mouth ends and your hand begins. Gently cup his balls with your other hand and you’re golden.
53. Try the “commercial sex” game.
Start getting it on during the commercials of your favorite show, then untangle as soon as the show comes back. Sexy show? Copy their moves. As you graduate from makeouts to oral to intercourse (and back?), the teasing will be out of control.
54. Keep your dress on or just push your underwear aside to have sex.
The immediacy of keeping clothes on is hot — like you can’t wait to have each other.
55. The hole at the tip of his penis is called the meatus, which is the worst name given to anything, ever.
Meatus! But it’s sensitive during arousal. With your tongue, apply medium pressure on and off. He’ll be shocked it feels so good!
56. When you’re close to climaxing, tighten and relax like you’re Kegeling.
This alone can sometimes trigger an O (and it feels amazing for a guy too).
57. The shower is made for the quickie.
The ideal position for you is bent over, aiming the showerhead at your hot spot while he’s doing his thing from behind. No removable showerhead? Slick his fingers with shower gel, and have him reach around and give you some digital pleasure.
58. Create a secret code that translates to sexytimes.
Maybe “get me a dirty martini” means “let’s blow this joint … and then each other.”
59. Remind yourself how much you turn him on.
Seeing his face as he’s lost in ecstasy — and realizing you’re making it happen — can be the push you need to cross the finish line.
60. Touch yourself — beneath your bath jets.
While watching Scandal, whatever works for you — to get to know what sensations do it for you. Are you into counterclockwise clitoral strokes? Nipple stimulation? Find out—then bring your favorite moves to your next sex session.
61. Advanced blow-job move:
Twist your hand as you move your mouth up and down his shaft like you’re tracing the grooves of a corkscrew, and slide it over his tip each time you get to it. He’ll worship you.
62. Want more oral and less jackhammer but can’t seem to say so?
Start out with a sext. Type “I can’t stop thinking about your mouth on me tonight,” throw in a kiss emoji, and hit Send. The message will be received.
63. Bring a bullet vibrator to bed.
The Rabbit gets all the glory, but using a bullet vibe on your clit during doggy is a total game changer.
64. While pleasuring him with your mouth, bring his hand down to touch you.
Cover his fingers with yours so you can make sure his touches are exactly what you need to climax. It’ll arouse him even more to see you taking control of his movements.
65. Lead with a compliment.
Say “I love the way you…” before suggesting a new move (“it would turn me on so much if you used your fingers like this…”).
66. Turn up the tease factor by letting him enter you for a hot second, then going straight back into your foreplay of choice.
Think of it as giving him a taste of the main course during cocktail hour. It’ll leave him hungry — no, salivating — for more.
67. Get sex on the brain by reading a steamy book before a date.
You’ll feel more sensual during the deed as you visualize a hot story line. And he never has to know!
68. Have your guy scribble down a “menu” of the top three moves that drive him crazy, and you do the same.
Then swap lists, and take turns serving up the goods à la carte!
69. Perfect your striptease.
Stage an entrance from another room, take a sensual walk around him, and slowly shed a slip to reveal a corset. (Or a thong and nipple tassels! Whatever’s your jam.) By the time you finally straddle him, you’ll both be raring to go. P.S. Leave on your heels for extra sass.
70. Switching hot and cold sensations feels amazing for him during oral.
If you’re not into the ol’ ice-cube-in-the-cheek trick, try alternating oral with drinking something cold or warm. Even easier: Lightly blow air over him after having had him in your mouth.
71. Vintage Cosmo Tip, March 1989:
“Unleash your imagination: you might drive down to the local lovers’ lane like teenagers or swap houses with a friend and make love in her bedroom.”
Our 2015 road test: We didn’t go to lovers’ lane because where even is that, but non-bedroom sex is one of those things I always mean to do but never get around to. I finally got around to it — although we kept it low-key and only ventured as far as the desk. Funny thing about adulthood: Spontaneous desk sex is hot, but clearing the desk beforehand in order to avoid any postcoital broken tchotchkes or destroyed tea rose arrangements is not. Ditto when R.M.P. paused the action to put a pillow under my back. Ultimately, the desk lends itself best to doggy-style — but R.M.P. and I did thoroughly enjoy giving the bed a break.
72. A great gizmo for scoring some dual pleasure?
A vibrating penis ring. Your guy will enjoy a soft vibration on his shaft while you get bonus targeted clitoral stimulation with each of his thrusts. It also helps guys achieve fuller, harder erections.
Send him a care package for his … package. Fill a box with some sexy new lingerie, lube, and maybe a sex toy, and send it to his front door with this note: “We’ll need this on my next visit.”
74. Not being “allowed” to make any noise during sex can be a huge turn-on, especially when something feels so good, you just want to express it!
Try this for a spin: Stuff your thong or his tie into his mouth, then do dirty, dirty things to him until he’s digging his nails into his palms to keep from ripping that gag out.
75. A great couple habit to get into is to kiss every day — for more than just a couple of seconds.
It wards off the perilous roommate effect, especially if you live together and lately have been spending more time doing chores together than checking each other out.
76. Getting busy in a public place is a huge risk, thereby doubling the wattage of your hot rendezvous.
Your best bet to pulling it off is to keep your clothes on (wear a skirt and no undies for easier access) and do it in a place where you’ll hear someone coming, like in the middle of a stairwell — the footsteps on the stairs will tip you off that it’s time to get moving before you get caught.
77. The cherry on top when it comes to an amazing BJ? Eye contact.
Give a wink or some smize action, and he’ll be putty in your … mouth.
78. Put a pillow or two under your butt to elevate your hips during missionary sex — and up the odds of his hitting your G-spot.
This will change your life, we swear.
79. For ladies only:
Have your partner lie on her side, propping herself up on her elbow, and straddle one of her legs so your clits rub together, all the while making eye contact. Grind on. Scissoring’s a classic for a reason.
80. Vintage Cosmo Tip, October 2002: “Check your inhibitions at the door, and watch each other while touching yourselves.”
Our 2015 road test: Now that R.M.P. and I have been banging on the regs for a while, like many long-term couples, our orgasms are pretty wham-bam-let’s-watch-Netflix. We rarely take the time to stop and smell the sex roses, and thanks to the logistics of our favorite respective positions, we rarely see each other’s O faces. Sitting on opposite edges of the bed, me with my fave bullet vibe, him with just his hand, felt pretty voyeuristic — in a hot way — and I definitely felt closer to him afterward.
81. Lest we (and he) forget, the clitoris extends down our labia in the shape of a wishbone. So he should lick or stroke the labia — not just the clit — while he’s down there.
82. After a shower, get him to take you from behind while you’re leaning over the bathroom sink and looking at your hot, wet self in the fogged-up mirror.
You’ll get a front-row view to all the seriously hot action and none of the stress of filming it. Nice!
83. Ask him first, but if he gives you the green light, hold a small vibrator against the underside of his shaft or on his perineum.
That’s the super nerve-packed area that lies between his balls and his butt — while you’re going down on him. Start the action off with your vibe’s lowest setting and then slowly increase the intensity as his arousal grows.
84. Rotate from girl-on-top position into reverse-cowgirl.
Take your time — you’ll avoid any crazy mishaps, plus a slo-mo approach just looks that much sexier. Not only are you hitting a series of new hot spots for both of you with each different angle, but he’ll dig the 360-degree view of your gorgeous bod.
85. Bored of the same old sexts?
Been there. Try keeping it simple. The hottest possible text you can send: “I need you now.”
A version of this story was published as “Cosmo’s 50 Best Sex Tips Ever” in the November issue of Cosmopolitan. Pick up the November 2015 issue on newsstands or click here to subscribe to the digital edition!