My Boyfriend Is a Terrible Texter

My Boyfriend Is a Terrible Texter


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Until recently, there were only two types of people in this world as far as I was concerned: those who have their read receipts on and those who actively do not want to watch the world burn. But I’m here to talk to you about a third type: the person who purposefully turns on their read receipts for one contact and one contact only.

Hi! My name is Sarah and, yes, I am a “turn on your read receipts only for your significant other” evangelist. What started as a joke to show my boyfriend of five years how truly annoying and occasionally hurtful it is when he doesn’t answer my texts has since turned into something so much more.

I’m a double Pisces (sun and moon, bitches), which means I am EMOTIONAL. So a couple of years ago, when my boyfriend admitted he had seen the Star Wars meme I sent him earlier in the day but was “too busy educating our youth” to respond, I deemed that the. last. straw. I grabbed his sweet face between my two hands, looked him dead in the eye, and said in my most authoritative voice: “You are going to see how annoying this feels.” And alas, my read receipts were born.

I first used this newfound power in the middle of the workday on a super busy Tuesday. I was fully in “don’t talk to me mode” when he texted to ask where I wanted to go to dinner that night. I read it, but was on a deadline and didn’t have time to think of an answer.

An hour passed and my phone dinged again: “I love you! Hope you’re having a good day.” Aw, cute. I, again, read it without responding and moved on.

About an hour or so later, my phone dinged a third time with a text that I’m not going to repeat here in case my mother reads this but, uh, I made sure we did *exactly* what was said in that text later that night.

So, yeah, totally worth it.

I’ve since acquired a list of all the other things my boyfriend has done unprompted after I’ve left him on read:

  1. Make unexpected dinner reservations
  2. Book a doctor’s appointment for his infected toenail
  3. Answer my mom back after ghosting her for a week
  4. Tell me my hair looked great in a selfie I posted
  5. Share quite a few suggestive GIFs
  6. Tell me I’m love of his fucking life
  7. Send me nine (!!) dog videos in a row
  8. Stalk my Instagram and like three posts in a row that he missed earlier
    1. Do I feel like an asshole? Absolutely not. Will I ever turn my read receipts off again? TBD. It’s a fun running joke between the two of us at this point and if the joke hasn’t gone stale yet…why let it?

      If you’re reading this right now and thinking, “I’m also dating a terrible texter, will this fix him?” Absolutely not. I’m definitely not saying this is the solution to all the problems in your relationship—in fact, it’ll probably make them 100000x worse if you don’t tread carefully and recognize yourself as the ultimate schemer in this situation.

      But if you’re having a horrible day at work and want a cute little sext to remind you that you’re hot shit, I do low-key endorse this chaotic energy.



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    Category: Sex