Steam | Raydene Salinas Hansen
If you’ve ever dreamed of combining love and business in one Kentucky-fried marriage, there’s a new KFC dating simulation game that was legit MADE for you. “I Love You, Colonel Sanders! A Finger Lickin’ Good Dating Simulator” launches September 24 and is officially produced by KFC. It takes players on a journey through culinary school for a chance to become business partners with—but more importantly, win the heart of—a sexified Colonel Sanders.
Gleaning from the current screenshots posted on gaming platform Steam, it seems that the game features an archnemesis named Aesleigh who is “totally evil, but you can’t help but be filled with jealousy. She can get anything she wants and she knows it.” There’s also a corgi named “Professor Dog,” who runs the culinary class and isn’t afraid to set ground rules.
But the main attraction here (obvi) is Colonel Sanders himself. The way he’s looking at you with that tight apron and his beefy arms…has a goatee ever looked so good? He looks like the cute barista at your corner coffee shop who’s so cute, you continue going there for a $4 cup of coffee every day despite being ass-broke. Add in those diamond-cut cheekbones, that cocky stance, and the SLEEVES ROLLED UP? Be still my beating heart!
The dating simulator runs similarly to other dating sim games in that it’s based more on questions and choices that will lead you to winning the Colonel’s heart, rather than, like, playing The Sims and making your Sims “woohoo” for hours on end (ahh, #TBT).
The game will be free (available for download through the Steam platform) and will only be available for PC and Mac, according to KFC representatives. For more info in the meantime, you can head over here.
And if you simply cannot wait until September 24 to play it, may I recommend “My Pigeon Boyfriend,” a comparable-looking dating sim that my lonely ass spent several joyful hours on in 2016. It was well worth the $10 sticker price for the experience, IMHO.