At some point in their life, most penis-having individuals will at least once deal with an uncooperative boner. The impulse might be to feel embarrassed, claim that it NEVER happens, or blame it on the alcohol, but struggling to stay hard doesn’t have to be a Thing. Nor should sex follow the strict pattern of erection-intercourse-we’re done (ahem, especially if it skips over the whole women-orgasming-too thing.)* So this is your opportunity to get creative and have even MORE fun together.
*Caveat: these sex positions are not a substitute for medical advice, duh. If erectile issues are a recurring thing for your partner, they should go to the doctor to rule out physical causes.
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A lack of boner can be a gift to your relationship if you both can see it as an opportunity to explore other types of sexuality, says the delightful Pamela Madsen who hosts Back to the Body sensual retreats. If y’all are up for it, experiment with penetrating them, either with a lubed finger, a toy or small strap-on dildo. This is great for exploring new sensations and getting over what you’re “supposed” be doing.
SHOP NOW Beginner’s Unisex Strap-On Harness Kit with 5 Inch Pegging Dildo, $39.99 on Lovehoney.com.
The Whole Body Kiss
“Just getting hard and screwing can get pretty dull,” says Madsen. Without an insistent dick pushing things forward, you can take your time and really explore each other bodies to see what kinds of kisses, licks and touches elicit moans. Don’t neglect their penis–non-hard peens feel can arousal and have orgasms. “Touch them, love them, and admire [them]–just like you would like to be desired, loved and admired,” says Madsen.
If you two are determined that P-in-V sex must happen, your wish can also be granted via toy. A hollow dildo works whether your partner is hard or soft. (It also can be used just for the hell of it if you want a girthier or longer feel.) Invest in a vibrating one and you can just lie back and drool.
SHOP NOW Unisex Hollow 10 Function Vibrating Strap-On 8 Inch, $34.99 on Lovehoney.com.
The Silken Slide
Be ready for whatever their junk decides to do by sitting on their lap and leaning back, so your head is hanging down toward the ground. Your partner rubs your clit with their fingers and teases you with their penis—regardless of hardness. If their penis happens to get into it, they can start jerking themselves off too, or pull you up on their lap for seated cowgirl-style sex. Or not. Worst case scenario: *you* are still getting off.
The Couch Face Off
If nerves or anxiety are factors in their boner troubles, tell them that vaginal intercourse is off-limits all night. Tease the hell out of them as you please—a long shower with sexy soapy hands, back rub, whatever. The end game is leading them to the couch so you’re facing each other naked for a mutual wank. It’s hot to watch each other and suuuuper low pressure. Plus, a guaranteed orgasm for you if you want it!
The Wake Up Curl
Take advantage of morning wood (and the higher levels of testosterone that go with it) with morning sex. Stick to the basics—the more you switch positions, the higher chances of failure getting it back in. A side position is great— it shields morning breath, plus, they can hold onto their dick for a tighter feel, giving themselves extra strokes as needed. Curl forward so you can reach down and gently cup their balls for extra oomph.
The Pointer Dog
If a hard on is coming and going, try doggie style with your legs spread extra wide. If they lose their erection, there are options. They can pull out to stroke themselves or they can continue thrusting with their finger on the underside of their penis acting as kind of a splint. If it’s still just not happening, have them hold their well-lubed penis against you and keep thrusting—a soft D trailing across your clit can feel amaaaaazing.
Squat and Squeeze It
There’s also the option of breaking out some accessories. First, they slip a cock ring around the base of their penis (even better: a vibrating one for you.) The ring should keep him engorged long enough for a decent toss, but he shouldn’t keep it on for over 30 minutes. Get on top, leaning down on your elbows so you can press yourself against the vibrations.
SHOP NOW BASICS Buzz Cock Vibrating Cock Ring, $19.99 on Lovehoney.com.
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